How to Facilitate Children’s Problem
Solving
Your primary job is to help the children
stay focused on the problem and the process of problem solving. The following
are steps to follow to ensure that all involved are heard and their needs addressed.
1. Gather data: Give each person a chance to tell what happened and how they are feeling. Try to avoid blaming either child. Use phrases like “What
happened?” and “How did you feel when…?”
2. State the problem: Try to do this so everyone’s needs are expressed.
“You wanted______, and you wanted _______. What can we do so everyone will
be happy?” or “What can we do to meet everyone’s needs?”
3. Generate ideas: Encourage lots of ideas, both crazy and practical. Accept all ideas without criticism. Evaluation comes in the
next step. You may need to remind children what the problem is by restating it.
4. Evaluate: Look at the consequences of each idea.
“What might happen if you _______?” Is it something that would make both people happy?”
5. Make a plan: Ask the children for a solution and help them carry it out. Evaluate the decision later with the children and decide together if it was successful. If it wasn’t successful, plan for more problem solving when appropriate. If it was successful, congratulate them in their problem solving.
The Importance of Good Communication
Listen ATTENTIVELY!
Get rid of distractions and
pay attention to what the child is saying. At
times adults may need to stop whatever they are doing and LISTEN to the child. Do
not pretend that you are listening when you are not.
Make Important Requests Firmly!
Speak as if you mean it, and give
the child a reason why s/he must do this thing at this particular time. A request
made in a wishy-washy way lets the child think you do not really care whether or not s/he does what you have asked. A child can think of only one thing at a time. When
s/he is involved in play, it’s hard to shift attention to you. Getting
his/her attention at first is important, before you make a request or say something important.
Communicate at Eye to Eye Level
Eye contact improves communication. When talking with very young children, it may be necessary to squat to their eye level
or to sit at a table with them. Adults fail to realize the effect their size
has on small children.
Don’t Use Unkind Words, They Tear the Child
Down.
Unkind words have unhappy results
and they cit off communication. Avoid unkind words that are:
Ridiculing
Shaming
Name calling
Unkind words, make the child feel that s/he is disliked. They discourage the child and give her/him a poor self-concept. Use
encouraging words, like “You can do it!”
The “Listening Line-Up”
1. Find a private place. Take children aside in a tactful way , yet still in sight of other staff.
2. Be interested. Many listening problems vanish when we have an open and interested attitude.
3. Get rid of distraction,
like noise or objects in your hand. Distractions dilute our ability to be present
4. Use body language. Be alert, make eye contact, learn forward and put yourself on the same level physically
with younger children.
5. Stop talking. The more we talk, the less listening we do.
6. Listen to understand, not
just for the sake of it.
7. Acknowledge how children feel:
non-verbal with nods, smiles, etc; or with simple statements. Examples:
“You sound pretty angry, Sally.” “Tommy, you sound hurt that you were left out.” “What makes
you so angry?” “It sounds to me like you might be a little jealous.”
8. Validate feelings. Let youngsters know it’s not wrong, but even normal to feel the way they do. Validating feelings simply means that what we feel is okay. What we do with feelings is another matter. Examples: ”You
know, a lot of kids feel homesick at first.” “I don’t blame
you for feeling angry.” “I’d be hurt too. But let’s see how to help you figure out what to do about it.”
9. Ask. Many children are not used to being listened to. Reassure them
of your interest. Invite them to share.
Be careful not to ask questions that are put downs or embarrassments. Examples:
“You look upset Joey. Can you tell me what happened?” “You look like no one believes you, can I help?”
10. Keep focused.
If children have trouble staying on track, help them out. Say, “Let’s
go back to what you were saying before…” or, “What you are saying now isn’t what got you upset before.”
11. Invite reflection.
Children often have ideas about what might help them. Encourage them to
give you their ideas.” Examples: “Do you have any ideas that might
help?” “What do you think we can do to figure this out together?”
12. Share your experience, but keep it simple. Examples: “You know, I was homesick the first time I came to camp too!” “Something like this happened to me once.”
13. Give credit to children when they are able to share, trust, be honest, or be open. They also need credit when they own their mistakes or their part of the problem. Examples: “I know this is hard, but you’re doing great!” “It takes guts to be honest like you are.” “I’m
very impressed with how much you are able to trust me.”
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