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Use “
I Messages” to Communicate your Thoughts and Feelings
“I Messages”
are statements of fact. They tell the child how her/his behavior affects others. “I Messages” are much more effective that “You Messages” when
a child misbehaves.
Which sounds better
???
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I
need help picking up now.
I
don’t feel like reading a story when I’m tired.
It
hurts me when you hang on my clothes.
I
can’t hear you when you are screaming.
I
don’t understand. |
OR
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You
sure made a mess.
You’re
bothering me
Get
off me.
You
better shut up.
That’s
a stupid idea. |
“I
messages” give the child responsibility for changing his/her own behavior. For
example, if the adult says “I see a dirt smudge on your face.” He
is giving the child the responsibility to do something about the dirt smudge.
HOWEVER…
Do not use “I Messages” to express anger to children. Expressing
anger cuases a young child to feel very upset and insecure. Instead of expressing
anger, express the emotion that cam BEFORE the anger. For example, if Susie throws
sand and it gets in your eye, you are probably angry that Susie threw sand. But
BEFORE you were angry, you were physically hurt. Say, “It hurts me when
you throw sand and it gets in my eye.”
Use “You Messages” to Reflect the Child’s Ideas and Feelings
In other words,
paraphrase to clarify. “You messages” describe the child’s
feeling and encourage her/him to express her/his feelings.
Examples: “You
are sad because your dog died?”
“You are upset because you didn’t win the game?”
“You are mad because Joey wouldn’t let you play
with the doll?”
When children
are allowed to express bad feelings freely they seem to disappear like magic!
Sometimes they just want someone to validate their feelings, and tell them what they are feeling is okay. Hiding negative feelings can be self-destructive. They do
not disappear, and can lead to self-hate, headaches, ulcers, and violent behavior. Feelings
are neither good nor bad. They exist and must be recognized.
Use Your Manners… PLEASE!
Children observe the common
courtesies which adults use with each other. They learn by imitating the speech
and behavior of adults. Let them learn to say “Please” and “Thank
You” by imitating you. Children deserve to hear these courteous words in
response to their actions. If a child passes you the salt at the table, or pushes
you on the swing, don’t forget a “Thank You!”
Our
Policy for Working Through Staff Conflict
Despite the fact that we
are a fun, enthusiastic, good-natured, humorous bunch of people, problems and conflicts are bound to arise between us. As leaders, one of our greatest, natural characteristics is that we are very strong
willed, however, this trait has the potential to be detrimental to our group. If
not delay with right away, a conflict is sure to escalate.
Here are some steps that
can be taken to help resolve these issues before they hinder your effectiveness as a CIT.
1.
Arrange a time to meet with the other person to talk about what if bothering you.
2.
At that meeting attempt to isolate the problem by standing how you feel and trying to understand the other person’s
perspective.
3.
If simply talking and clearing up misunderstandings does not provide resolution, come up with a plan on how you will
work together in the future.
4.
Notify the CIT Director about the problem and solution.
5.
Problems concerning inappropriate behavior should be addressed to the Camp Staff, and CIT Director. Continuance of inappropriate behavior may result in dismissal from camp.
These steps should be followed for
solving problems between staff as well as CIT’s. If any point
you feel uncomfortable addressing another person or find that your efforts are not helping, feel free to contact the CIT Director,
Camp Staff or Camp Director. They will be able to help you resolve the issue.
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